Nasal Swabs Were Only The Beginning: China Rolls Out Anal Swab COVID Tests

by | Jan 27, 2021 | Headline News | 61 comments

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    China has expanded the rollout of anal swabbing to test for COVID-19, saying these tests are more reliable. Also more invasive, and probably a lot more uncomfortable too.

    For those in quarantine, China will use an anal swab to determine if the virus is still present. Chinese state media outlets introduced the new protocol in recent days, prompting widespread discussion and some outrage. Some Chinese doctors say the science is there though, and as the peasants, we should just accept the science.

    Here’s the likely reason they are using these swabs instead:

    Recovering patients, they say, have continued to test positive through samples from the lower digestive tract days after nasal and throat swabs came back negative. -Washington Post

    Why would they want so many positive tests? To keep the narrative going, of course.

    Covid “Mutation” Stories Show That The Lockdowns Are Designed To Last Forever

    for many, it seemed a step too far in government intrusions after a year and counting of a dignity-eroding pandemic.

    “Everyone involved will be so embarrassed,” one user in Guangdong province said on Weibo, a Chinese social media platform, on Wednesday. In a Weibo poll, 80 percent of respondents said they “could not accept” the invasive method.

    So now we know that anal swabs might finally be where the sheep draw the line.

    Because of the invasive nature of these tests, they are only being used at quarantine centers…for now. If we have learned anything over the last year, it’s that the ruling class will push and they will be successful unless people wake up.

    “If we add anal swab testing, it can raise our rate of identifying infected patients,” Li Tongzeng, an infectious-disease specialist at Beijing You’an Hospital, said on state-run broadcaster CCTV on Sunday. “But of course considering that collecting anal swabs is not as convenient as throat swabs, at the moment only key groups such as those in quarantine receive both.”

    Officials have tightened restrictions in recent weeks, with tens of millions of people returned to lockdown in areas with isolated outbreaks, according to The Washington Post.  As before, travelers arriving from overseas go straight into two weeks of hotel quarantine — but now the third week of home quarantine has been added, and the fourth week of daily reports to health officials.

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      61 Comments

      1. You're putting it where?

        This just keeps getting more and more crazy by the day.An anal swab for a respiratory illness? So,from now on if I have a rectal illness – they’ll check my lungs??

      2. cooties

        Thank you so much! I was waiting for you to cover this story.Let the great comments/puns begin!!!!,

      3. dollface

        At least buy us dinner first before you…

      4. titicaca

        Now we know what the masks were really for – to avoid the smell of ?

      5. Couldn't help myself

        An anal test? Geez, hopefully it all works out in the end.

      6. back there

        I truly can’t believe any of this! Why,the idea of testing people’s buttocks is terrible.It’s assinine.

      7. Not ok

        I will never consent to this! After all,it my anus,not Uranus!!!

      8. TharSheBlows

        When they are down there, ask them to pull your finger..

      9. TharSheBlows

        From the Grave, Hank Aaron asks, “Can I have a do over on that?” Fool me once,… end of story.

      10. Many

        Makes you wonder how many of the masked sheep would willingly line up,er, I mean bend over for this??

      11. Cheeks

        Anyone stupid enough to this is just asking to be the butt of jokes!?

      12. Mr_Yesterday

        HO! HO! HO! Merry Christmas!

        Next!

        My personal goal, which I’ve been successful so far, as well as everyone in my house, is to never get tested in the first place. So far so good.

        Soon it’s going to be like dui checkpoints, but they’ll require you to get tested.

        Let’s start exploring what defeats the test… Like old breathalizers, if you put a 1940’s or earlier penny in your mouth, it had enough copper in it, the test would read negative. So what can we use to purposefully defeat this ‘test’? Serious question.

        I want to drink bleach with the bleach boys baby, in a world where midgets run for mayor. I want to drink bleach with a georgia peach. I want to drink bleach tonight. yeah!

        • Darth Skippy

          You can trying putting the penny in, the other way, but the tests are still going to give a false positive.

          From the looks of recent college commercials…
          toomanyposts.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/wp-1475059478673.jpg
          …they will be administered by the usual quota cases.

          So, you are counting on the witchhunt to slow down, before it corners you, imho.

          • Anonymous

            HAHAHA! I think you sort of missed the point of the suggestion….

            Like if you gargle with super blue and colloidal silver or something… I suppose if you’re in a pinch you could sniff and gargle actual diluted bleach for a moment, just enough to force amplification efforts to fail. What else would mask and encapsulate the biological material the amplification seeks to recognize?

            For the up the keister test, that’s going to be a lot more difficult to defeat. Scream Rape! I don’t know… “No means No!” “No means No!” “No means No!”
            (your link not working, gave danger warning. Use firefox with adblock, ublock, privacy badger, incognito, anti figerprint, you may be getting more than you are aware of with your current browser. Use Spybot S&D immunize and track clean.)

          • Mr_Yesterday

            HAHAHA! I think you sort of missed the point of the suggestion….

            Like if you gargle with super blue and colloidal silver or something… I suppose if you’re in a pinch you could sniff and gargle actual diluted bleach for a moment, just enough to force amplification efforts to fail. What else would mask and encapsulate the biological material the amplification seeks to recognize? Something more practical like olive oil enriched with spice or something? Chew coffee bean?

            For the up the keister test, that’s going to be a lot more difficult to defeat. Scream Rape! I don’t know… “No means No!” “No means No!” “No means No!” (Said very very loudly)

            (your link not working, gave danger warning so I could not follow. Use firefox with adblock, ublock, privacy badger, incognito, anti figerprint, you may be getting more than you are aware of with your current browser. Use Spybot S&D immunize and track clean. Go to MS Services, turn off remote assistance, remote registry, all wifi & bluetooth, and telephony. Then go to device manager and turn off wifi and bluetooth there too as recent non voluntary win10 updates have turned everyones wifi and bluetooth back on just recently.)

            • Darth Skippy

              Sorry. Just a pic of a cartoon character.

      13. great news

        You just know that the stocks of the swab companies absolutely soared on hearing about this!

      14. pandemic my ass!

        Maybe this will be a new way for the powers that be to probe for signs of intelligent life.Based on the number of sheep wearing masks – the answer is a resounding NO!

      15. chunks

        Before checking back there,they should have the decency to ass first.

      16. showtime

        Will Fauci,Biden and the elite be getting swabbed on live TV to convince us that all of this is safe????

      17. lovely bones

        Anyone willing to submit to this particular test should make sure you eat lots of beans beforehand.?

      18. Indeed

        Who’s shitty idea was this?

      19. ouch!

        Yet another reason to stay far away from doctors,hospitals,etc,etc…

      20. Nearby

        I think that kind of a close,intimate test would sorta defeat the whole purpose of social distancing?Wouldn’t it??

      21. Sarcastic tone

        Stay away from your loved ones.Have no contact with your friends.Social distance. But putting your ass in my face for a “swabbing” is perfectly okay!!?Makes perfect sense?

      22. Obvious

        Ass each day goes by, I hope more people realize how the elite are mocking and laughing at all of us.

      23. never give in

        Seriously though,imagine these psychos doing this to kids.We all know these perverts will stop at nothing.We must always be on high alert for this type of shit,as these evil bastards will stoop to even lower levels to humiliate us even more than they already have.Never Give In!!!?

      24. Anger Issues

        Anyone coming at me trying to stick a swab up my ass had better be prepared to receive a boot up theirs!!

      25. Doesn't add up

        First,they wanna shove a swab up your nose until it almost hits your brain.Now,they wanna shove a swab in your ass to detect a “cold”/flu.?What’s wrong with this picture? ?

      26. I'm out

        Whole thing is ridiculous.The odds of me ever agreeing to this type of a procedure are asstronomical ?

      27. Omnipresent

        I had no idea covid got around back there also.I shouldn’t be surprised as it is the most potent virus in the history of the world.I’m sure if swab tests were performed on the fossils of ancient civilizations – remnants of phony 19 would be found in their butts as well.This thing is everywhere after all ?

      28. Enjoy

        No way would I ever show up for that kind of a test. As a matter of fact, I plan on having explosive diarrhea on that particular day???

      29. Between Three Centuries

        This swab goes in your mouth and this swab goes in your mouth and this swab goes in your butt. Oh wait, that’s not right. This, no this, wait, no this one goes in your mouth and this, no wait this one goes in your ear and this one goes in your butt and this one goes in your mouth.

      30. PBR

        Confucius say….. you want anal swab with happy ending…$10 more.

      31. Marcy

        What are they looking for, gold?

      32. Marcy

        What are they looking for, gold.

      33. alfie

        I had to have elected procedure done last fall, so I didn’t have a choice if I wanted to corvid / wuhan test done, and it came back negative . But a ” anal ” wuhan test, you gotta be kidding.

      34. brownish

        These new method of “testing” for phony 19 is yet another indication that none of this is about our health – anything butt!!!!?

      35. Oops!

        Hopefully,there will be no instances of forgetting which swab goes in which slot.One for the nose and one for the booty.Wouldn’t want to get those two mixed up – particularly after use?

      36. Doesn't add up

        An anal test. As if being masked up wasn’t humiliating enough??

      37. buttinski

        I just pray that my butt does not cough out loud when the test is being performed – I wouldn’t want anyone to catch browny 19 ???

      38. lovely bones

        Can you imagine the possible conversations as you’re bending over during this test: “Hey,are you sure that’s the swab you inserted?” “I don’t know, it feels “different”?

      39. Tasty

        I’ve always wondered the source of some of the Chinese seasonings??Yet another mystery solved.

        • Marcy

          Ewwwww. I’ll never eat Chinese food again. LMAO

      40. Clenched!

        This is despicable! I will never submit to this test and that’s my final answer! No ifs,ands,OR butts!!!!?

      41. Brownies

        Biden’s only been in there a few days and already they’re coming for our rear ends. Seriously,who didn’t see this coming? Anyone?☺️

      42. Nice!

        “Do I have a mask?” “Don’t worry about me.” “You’re the one that’s gonna need a mask and it better be a damn good one if you’re ?gonna work back there!”?

      43. Skillz

        I wonder if this particular occupation(the swabber) is what would be described as a rear entry position?

      44. Occams

        Oh, yea. And a 2 minute video of a pair of gloves is supposed to convince me China is ‘doing anal swabs’?

        Oh. Okay

        I happen to have lived in Asia, and I talk with people around the world. They’re often VERY surprised when I tell them what their country is supposedly doing, because it’s almost always news to them! Like my friend in Russia who learned about their recent ‘terrible outbreak’ of the plague for which 30k vaxx does were being rushed to counter…..

        1. An INFORMED Russian had never heard about this

        2. There IS NO vaxx for plague. It’s antibiotics.

        Unreal how gullible people are.

      45. posted

        Will there be a mail in option for this test? I hope so. I’d love to send these psychos a great big pile of ? as a token of my appreciation for all they “doo” on our behalf!

      46. Poppy Seeds

        Just imagine being the testing guy.How humiliating it would be coming home after looking at buttholes all day. Kids: “Daddy, how was your day?” Dad: “Never mind!””Go to your room!”?

      47. wondering

        Do the testers earn a commission or “brownie” points for every procedure performed??

      48. bottom feeder

        Tester Qualifications:Good with people,loss of smell,and most importantly willing to start at the “bottom” ?

      49. Bits

        Grinning anal swab tester comes home and tells wife “Great news honey, I finally found my keys” “Butt,whatever you do – don’t ask me where”

      50. ab

        hahaha

        Hundreds line up on the street with their pants down.

        hahaha

        You think everyone is as creative as you are.

        hahaha.

      51. liveandletlive

        Coming to a country near you soon… They now literally want to f us in the a

      52. Record

        As seriously important as phony 19 has been,it is very likely that the results of these tests will most definitely go down in the anals of history.

      53. Candy Corn

        Calling in : “Um,no I don’t have an appointment for the anal swabbing,butt,is it okay if I just show up??

      54. Newkidontheblok

        Me Chinese, me no play joke, Me spread ass cheeks and go poke poke poke. Ahhhhh, smells terrific.

      55. Curious

        Exactly how long(and thick) are the “swabs” used during these “exams”??I’m asking for a friend.?

      56. Butt,seriously??

        Is this anal swab test really a thing? Dead ass??

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