Holiday Terror: Weaponized Candy Canes

by | Dec 21, 2010 | Headline News | 37 comments

Do you LOVE America?


    Sharp Candy Cane ShankIt would have seemed ridiculous a decade ago, but in today’s terror prone world it’s become business as usual. The latest threat?

    Candy Canes.

    If reports are to be believed, administrators at Battlefield High School in Haymarket, VA punished ten members of the school’s Christmas Sweater Club for participating in the spreading of Christmas cheer, part of which included the tossing of small, individually wrapped candy canes to students.

    According to accounts by several students, the school punished them with detention and cleanup work because the popular holiday treats pose a possible threat to others due to the ease of weaponizing the candy canes.

    Skylar Torbett, a junior, says he was told, “candy canes are weapons because you can sharpen them with your mouth and stab people with them.” Zakk Rhine, another member of the club, was told that the candy canes could, “maliciously maim students with the intent to injure.”

    School administrators deny the allegations, citing unruly behavior, littering and creating a disturbance. The official student “referrals” sent to parents made no mention of candy canes or the possibility that they could be used to maim or wound.

    One can surmise that the students, being part of a cheer club, may have been somewhat excited about Christmas and may have engaged in some unruly behavior while tossing candy canes and spreading the Christmas spirit. However, the reports that candy cane weaponization may have played a roll in the punishments cannot be completely dismissed given that children in federally funded public schools across the nation have been subject to disciplinary action for things like holding a hand in the shape of a gun, drawing a weapon or even writing stories that contain hints of violence.

    Now that the threat of candy canes as weapons has been identified, it’s only a matter of time before school administrators across the nation realize that disasters may loom around every corner and they’ve been there unbeknownst to most for quite some time. Pencils and pens, of course, should be first on the list, as they are already weaponized and can be easily transformed from educational tools to deadly weapons. Lockers, backpacks and even books may also potentially lead to violence and injury.


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      1. And the problem is…???

        After all it IS called Battlefield High School….heh

        (heavy sarcasm)

      2. Oh please say this is just a joke!!!  If administrators actually believe that someone will get hurt from candy canes they need to find a life….Scotty, beam me up there is no intelligent life left on this planet.

      3. Soft play dough only please.

      4. I guess bringing a picture of Charlton Heston’s weapons vault to school would be posed as a threat too.  LoL, how damn ridiculous do things need to get before people wake up and simply respond with a resounding “NO!  We’re tired of your crap Federal scum!  We’re not following your idiotic rules any longer.”?

        Wake up Neo…

      5. LOL…nice.

        Yeah, Mac…why not pens and pencils?

        On a related tangent – even as a kid, I thought the compasses (those things used to draw circles) they provided in elementary school were dangerous – i.e., the sharp points that the pencil pivoted on.  But hey, sure I poked myself a time or two, but it taught me to be careful…

      6. Most fundamental definition of weapon: any device (to be) used for attack or defense.

        The “to be” in parenthesis infers intent. “Used for” demonstrates intent. No intent, no weapon. That I know how to kill 10 people with a 1# box of cocoa doesn’t make it a weapon. (If you have to ask how, you ain’t gonna survive anyway.) Were I to use it, it becomes a weapon.

        So why are we surprised? A recent survey of 15 year olds in 34 countries showed the US at 14th in reading, 17th in math and 25th in science. We spend the most of any nation per student. Our schools are deemed obsolete after 20 years; there are students in Europe going to school in 300 year old buildings.

        We hire teachers with zero life experience; fresh out of school. These teachers go on to become administrators once they fail as teachers. Ma and Pa believe these administrators because they ARE the experts. Fear gets funding.

        Were the interviewed students telling what they believed to be the truth? Unknown. It appears nobody got expelled.

        Whatever the case, it appears the future will be interesting. Those who can – do. The rest demand protection.

      7. Thats it!..
        No more pens and pencils kiddies..

        Jeazus H cripes people..I could weaponize a fucking rubber ball with this type of mantality..

        hey parents..dont forget to wrap your kids up in bubble wrap before you send them out to school…hey dont forget the dam breathing hole eh?

        “we were born to mothers who smoked and drank”
        slept in cribs covered in lead based paint…you know the song..sing along..Bucky Covignton

        we need to get back to living..and stop all this cry baby un American shit!
        Even if it is against our governments wishes..especially if its against their wishes

      8. expect heavy tax increase’s on deadly candy cane’s 🙂

      9. Comments….. Well they took dodge ball off the playground because Johnny might get hurt. Why not take baseball off the playground as well cuz bats can be used as a weapon. May as well take all pens and pencils away including crayons, kids can stick those in their mouth and use pens and pencils as a weapon.  Do kids still use scissors in arts and craft classes?  If so, those have got to go too.  The only harm I see in the candy cane, is it’s full of high fructose corn syrup, you know the stuff  Mulechelle Obumma disapproves of (except for herself).

      10. Now….I HAVE HEARD IT ALL

        We are disabling our children with all this non-sense.

      11. The REAL  danger of candy canes – tooth decay and diabetes!

        And the sugar is not ORGANIC!  It could have GMO beet sugar in it…

        Not to mention they could be dipped in LSD and cause a mass awakening and the students revolt!

        Ban all candy canes!!

        All Candy!!

        All canes!

        Ban everything, they’ve already banned CHRISTMAS!!

        Did you see that, I wrote a naughty word.


        Christmas is now illegal in the United Socialist States of AmeriKa!!!!

        Kill Satan Claus!!

      12. GIve them FLUORIDE canes instead!!!

      13. The Schools in America are junk.  They rank 48th in the world.  What total shit.  Beaurocrats and the teachers union have screwed up everything beyond repair.  Liberals are 95% of the teaching population.  No wonder our beautiful kids are all fucked up.  Let the system fail as soon as possible so the PEOPLE can rebuild it to what it needs to be…


      14. Is the Bored of Education in Prince William County going to ban textbooks, because the edge of a hard bound book vigorously applied to someone’s larynx is an excellent weapon of opportunity?

        We can’t criticize the educrats too much. They’re doing their job, which is to train another generation of dumbed down authority worshippers to become debt serfs and cannon fodder.

      15. Bueller, Bueller, Buelller, anybody, anybody?  Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we’d be in gym?

      16. the problem is you have mental incompetents in leadership positions

      17. And to think when I was in school we carried rifles knives and sharp things into school all the time…and get this…NOBODY GOT HURT AND NOBODY CARED…..the sissys are running the country! Gawd I miss the Duke!

      18. Comments….. We’re a country ran by neurotics.  When will they take bicycles away from kids and adults they’re dangerous ya know?  Motorcycles too. (tongue in cheek)

      19. #1 leadership has had OJT for 2yrs. now.  Hope & change during the lame duck time period…….  Bell curve anyone?  Stats r 4 liars.  I think he does know what he wants.  Birth certificate anyone?

      20. Oh my God!  What about frozen Snicker bars?  Have you ever been hit by one?  Red Hots?  You could blow those through straws (pea shooters) and shoot someones eye out.  Good Lord!   I was trying to eat some Lick “M” Aid one time and got some in my eye.  I had a heck of a time trying to see while I was driving.  Take that off the market.  I should have sued the company for not putting proper directions on the straw.

      21. My son’s high school woudn’t let him ride a bike or moped to school because he could get hurt.  But they let them drive a car or a motorcycle? I fought the school on this, but they woudn’t budge –total idiots.

      22. I imagine it took a whole village to raise these idiots. I wished they would stop long enough to listen to themselves and hear what they are saying. Maybe if they did they would realize how stupid all this sounds.

        Total insanity

      23. Comments…..Tina said: I imagine it took a whole village to raise these idiots. I wished they would stop long enough to listen to themselves and hear what they are saying. Maybe if they did they would realize how stupid all this sounds.

        Simply put, they do not care.

      24. Clothes…  you guys forgot clothes, which can be used to strangle, etc…  Clothes need to be banned too.

        Hell, if we’re all gonna ride the hysteria bus, might as well ride it to the end, right?

      25. Nobody has mentioned the infernal devices that can be created from Pop Rocks and Pepsi.  It’s the Claymore of the Classroom.

      26. Authority has become over-imaginative and deemed themselves terrorism watchdogs, and in the process they are playing prison guards for free people. Next, only crayons to write with because a sharpened pencil can be “a weapon?”

      27. We better pull out all the kid’s teeth too, they could be used to bite someone. 

      28. I assume the candy canes given out did not have pointed ends.  Then why do you put a picture with this article showing a pointed candy cane, which certainly looks like a weapon?   A lot ofpeople will just look at the picture and the headline, and be misled.

      29. The world revolution which we will experience will be exclusively our affair and will rest in our hands.This revolution will tighten the Jewish domination over all other people.
        Le Peuple Juif,February 8, 1919.

        We have exterminated the property owners in Russia. We are going to do the same thing in Europe and America.”
        (The Jew, December 1925, Zinobit)
        Read revelation 2:9,,3:9.
        Read,,Who is Esau-Edom.

      30. Our president is such a light weight the White House had to purge all The Village People CD’s because they made Obama weep. He subsequently tried to hang himself with a single piece of glitter and it took Steve Cho half an hour to talk him down off his desk. A SWAT team stood by. Dept. of Homeland Security Neopolitano took cover and munched on a few interns. The Hari Krishna wre puzzled by the lack of intent of it all. These  people were finding God-head in madness. Christmas in D.C.. And the Deepwater Horizon? None in power care. These drugs were not around in the 1960’s.

      31. Whoever is dreaming up this fear mongering, weaponized candy and Killer Clown crap, needs to turn off the SciFi Channel and move out of their daddy’s basement. Trouble is, I think some of them did, but moved into the White House.

        I do have to say, I think the rum soaked fruit cake my in-laws gave me is a WMD.

      32. 9/11, like most “terror” attacks, are staged false flag operations, by the CIA, Mossad, FBI, MI6….

        Check out why 1396 architectural and engineering professionals  have joined

        Architects and Engineers For 9/11 Truth….

        Because WTC 1,2 AND 7 were destroyed by explosive controlled demolition, and tens of millions around the world know it was a CIA/Mossad job.

      33. It only takes 37 pounds of presurre to snap someone’s neck from behind.  So I guess we have to start handcuffing all the kids hands behind their backs when the arrive or make sure that everyone sits side by side.  We can’t chance anyone being behind another person.

      34. Now I’ve heard it all   LOL  The infants that run the world are insane.

      35. Yet, schools don’t mind teaching ILLEGAL ALIENS and they certainly don’t mind having La Raza, MEChA and other chapters in their schools teaching them about RECONQUISTA and AZTLAN (the plan to retake lost Mexican territory  ranging from the state of CA to CO and TX.

        This is why the students act so militant when they do their MAY DAY, AMNESTY-DREAM ACT marches and why they so proudly wave their Mexican flags, yet somehow,….they don’t want to be deported to Mexico.


      36. Many many years ago in the Society for Creative Anachronism one of the Kings of the West Kingdom outlawed various weapons from his feasts because “weapons are dangerous”, which led to the bards of the kingdom writing a number of scathing songs that pretty much pointed out that everybody would have to leave their hands at the door because when you come down to it, HANDS are the ultimate weapon.

        I saw video of the Christmas Sweater Club and one of the parents said she was told by the administrator that “Suicides are running rampant and people saying Merry Christmas and such things contribute to their feeling bad, so your kids should just keep their holiday cheer to themselves.”

        My though: what a tool. Obviously incompetent to manage a large school district.


      1. Blog - [...] canes have been banned from Battlefield (no pun here) High School because they might be turned into the lethal…

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