A new report from the American Farm Bureau Federation says that Thanksgiving dinner will cost Americans 13% more this year than it did in 2010, yet another indicator that price inflation with respect to necessities like food and energy is not a transitory phenomenon.
The retail cost of menu items for a classic Thanksgiving dinner including turkey, stuffing, cranberries, pumpkin pie and all the basic trimmings increased about 13 percent this year, according to the American Farm Bureau Federation.
AFBF’s 26th annual informal price survey of classic items found on the Thanksgiving Day dinner table indicates the average cost of this year’s feast for 10 is $49.20, a $5.73 price increase from last year’s average of $43.47.
In addition, “the era of grocers holding the line on retail food cost increases is basically over,” Anderson explained. “Retailers are being more aggressive about passing on higher costs for shipping, processing and storing food to consumers, although turkeys may still be featured in special sales and promotions close to Thanksgiving.
A total of 141 volunteer shoppers from 35 states participated in this year’s survey. Farm Bureau’s survey menu has remained unchanged since 1986 to allow for consistent price comparisons.
While Mr. Bernanke and the Federal Reserve claim inflation is under control, those of us who actually visit grocery stores know that food prices have been rising steadily for years.
Grocers have tried to keep prices low while taking the hit on the wholesale supply side, but as commodity costs have risen their margins have collapsed, making it ever more difficult for them to turn a profit. Thus, they have been left with no choice but to pass those costs on to consumers.
The Federal Reserve has officially committed to maintaining inflation at a rate of around 2%. The result of this policy is yet another mega-fail by the best and the brightest – a sharp 13% rise in Thanksgiving food prices (and similar increases in other essential goods necessary for survival). This year the Fed estimates inflation will reach between 3.5% and 4.5% – the fastest pace in three years. Considering government estimates will manifest as price increases of four or five times the official expectations we can only imagine where prices will be come Thanksgiving 2012. It should do wonders for the 100 million Americans in or on the edge of poverty.
Overall Inflation is in the double digits right now, wait til after christmas, when bank holidays come and austerity comes here, then you will see high double digit inflation leading to eventual hyperinflation.
Sorry Bear, no hyperinflation. WE will be lucky if Europe doesn’t crash and burn from sheer stupidity, initiating a deflationary spiral that takes everybody down with them.
Otherwise, its inflation by a thousand cuts.
DK, explain Inflation by a thousand cuts. I hate to appear stupid, but sometimes I can’t help it. Peace Clay
Claymation: Inflation by a thousand cuts is double digit inflation year after year after year.
Double digit inflation is not hyperinflation.
OBAMA SAVES TWO TURKEYS FROM DEATH FOR THANKSGIVING, ON AN UNRELATED NOTE OBAMAS DRONES KILL 500 IN PAKISTAN
Thank you, Holy Trinity and Holy Family, for everything!
I walk out of the grocery store each time, with less bags yet spending more money, and kinda like gas, it never seems to go back down even though the barrel cost is cheaper? I wonder what’s going on? Oh, Gotta go the Kardashians is coming on…………
The “official” inflation numbers shouldn’t be trusted anyway. The government says 3.5%, the actual numbers say 12%:
Just switch to growing more yourself. Just work on conserving a bit more. 2% ’em back, it’s easy.
Carefull now, while some people’s property gets TP’d, you may just get “bleached”.
I must be getting stronger. Last year I could physically carry $100 worth of groceries. This year I can carry $130!
I went to Costco on Saturday. A 5# bag of “Costa Rican” French roast coffee beans was, once again more expensive. This bag I was buying in the begininning of last year for $17.79. The price then went to $20.49, then (I think) $22.49 and finally settled at $25.99.
It is now $31.49
Two percent my ass.
I think its higher
@ POA : Yup…2% is a total crock. I think is closer to 20% for 2011……and get ready ’cause 2012 price increases are coming. I’m a Manufacturer’s Representative of Industrial Products…meaning things that get sold to Industrial Plants….which they use in their manufacturing process to make all the food & other widgets that we all buy. I am seeing price increases coming in between 5% – 10% to be effective in January or February. So….you can expect that the Factories will pass those increases along….with their own price increases. It has a way of multiplying itself out kind of like a geometric progression…where each 10% is then added on top as you got through the supply chain. So…a 10 cent price on a can of spray paint from the paint manufacturer …might result in a 25 cent increase by the time you get to the wholesale or retail price. And….on top of that if fuel starts climbing again….then the fuel surcharges will kick in on each shipment….whether raw materials, or finished goods….so that has a way of multiplying itself as well. I just know that anymore I feel like I have turned into my Grandpa……’cause all I say is “I remember when…. Just remember folks……..this will be the good old days….in a year or two !
Montgomery County Texas
Thanksgiving dinner prices have gone up…DUH along with everything else that is a staple or basic food item. Having a deep larder always has been a good investment against rising costs. But then so too is growing and preserving as much of my own food as I can.
Many sheeple will stamp their feet at the rising costs, but will shell out their FRNs for their basic foods. Instead of even attempting to raise their own food and barter for other items with their neighbors, they stand in their stalls and stamp their feet while getting milked -no will to make personal changes.
You can milk “sheeple”………hmmm, I wonder if they are cheaper to feed than my goats?? What exactly does sheeple milk taste like?….I’m bettin it’s bitter
Oh my God… where to go with this?
Quite sweet actually. And it makes a lovely cheese that perfectly compliments a meal of sheeple veil.
TURKEY and some other thanksgiving food [ corn ] has been taken over by mega-gmo-farms and everyone would be much safer not eating that crap anyway! Safe and healthy food will cost more in the short term but will save you in the long run. Still enjoy it while you can as there may not be many more holidays left to enjoy!!!
Folks, let this Christmas season be one of shopping and buying what you need and for future needs.
Have a happy thanksgiving you all and trully be thankful for what we do have; for there are millions or even billions that would trade places with us (i.e.Africa, Asia, S.America, Haiti, Etc…).
Be especially thankful that we can see the writing on the wall and still have time (how much?) to prep.
Went into Wally world yesterday evening and picked up Green Giant cans of sweet corn and cut green beans for 48 cents a can. Picked up several cans of Swanson chicken broth for 50 cents a can. The Missus saw them and said, ” don’t you think we have enough of these?” I grunted, and put them back. This mourning I went in alone and tripled what I had yesterday and put them down in my reloading room where it is climate controlled, like my pantry. Love her dearly, she’ll thank me later. BTW the dates on the can were “best buy by 9/2014”. I DO notice.
I finally counted my TP..6 years, 7 months.
I’m not even going to discuss my food and supplies.
We’re okay. More rice would be nice, just in case I get 2 liter bottles filled for handouts.
AND FOR HALF OF WHAT YOU PURCHASED, I WON’T TELL HER
Best and Brightest, yeah right!! I’ve watched the so called best and brightest with their BA’s, bad attitude, BS’s, bull shit, MBA’s, master bad attitude and PhD’s, more bull shit piled higher and deeper. Move into corporate America for the last 30 years and destroy companies and people with their charts and graphs.
They will work over the profit margins, cut production and put a company on such a narrow path that one false move sends the company into bankruptcy. Best and brightest my ass.
Over the years I’ve hired some of these MBA’s and PhD’s only to fire them after 2 weeks because they still can’t find the bathroom. Regardless of education, give me someone who can read and write, with a determined spirit and common sense. That’s the raw material that can be developed into anything you want.
These highly educated idiots in Washington think they know everything and therefore can be taught nothing. Inflation is just something else they can’t count, just like unemployment.
Well said Patriot1. I also hire and train utility technicians and all of the indivduals that make it display commons sense and a willingness to not only learn but share that information with others. On hands people can learn about anything.
I know one thing: Hardly anyone is alive today that’s ever seen times like we’re getting ready to see. Maybe no one has ever seen it.
My Father told me of the Depression…groups of armed men pulling in the driveway, only to be sent on their way when the 8 men with THEIR guns stepped onto the porch (there were 9 families living in one house). He always kept 3 years of firewood, 2 years of food, and plenty of clean underwear and socks.
People weren’t nearly as dumbed down back then either…helpless…immoral..thug-like behavior…
I don’t see it ending well, really.
I Do wish there were people who could give us a heads up on things like “if this happens, then look for that..” because I know they’ll never warn us openly.
common sense…that is what kids are told to leave outside before entering the classroom and being reindoctrinated by teachers who were reindoctrinated ten and twenty years ago. fight inflation at the grocery store by growing your own food and save money by cooking it yourself. save money on childrens school clothes by learning how to drop hemlines and letting out seams. get a little more use outta those old tennis shoes the kid has outgrown-cut the toebox out and they can be worn for summer playing. thrift shop clothing can be altered and redesigned for really cheap. there are so many ideas out there to make surviving easier but so far i am not seeing many folks around my neck of the woods using their common sense and the wisdoms of their elders yet.
We have just been told inflation has dropped by just under half of 1% this month. Who in Gods name are these people trying to kid? We are paying £7.00 a gallon to fill up the car, £1.20 for a loaf of bread and £2.00 for a box of own brand cereal. Instant coffee is coming in at £6.00 a jar.
21,800 sick and or elderly people died from cold related issues last winter, this is on top of the usual winter mortality rate for those groups. It is getting to the point of heat or eat for many people. My heating is on for an hour in the morning when the little one is getting fed and washed ready for school, and 2hours at night. After that it is extra jumpers and throws over the duvet for really cold weather. We are not allowed wood burners unless they are approved models which cost about £2500 on top of that you would have to get planning permission to put up a chimney because no houses built since about 1960 have them, where is the logic in that? Sorry, just having a bit of a rant there but you do have to ask yourself if freezing us to death is just part of some grand plan to reduce the population of this country before the rock we call home sinks under the weight of people living on it. If any of the British government is reading this I suggest you do something about border control and that should prevent another half a million a year pushing us another inch near bottom of the North sea, sea levels are not rising….we are bloody sinking, morally, economically and physically we are going down. Okay, rant over thanks for listening x
You guys hired Ben Bernanke too?
Gawwwwd. That guy’s freakin’ everywhere…
Carolie, what you are fighting, we have fought off. They try to do the same thing here. But, they can’t keep pushing. We’re still armed and anyone that doesn’t think that matters needs to look again.
Your county is signing the death certificates of many. But, the worst thing of all is that most are unknowing sheople.
What does the husband think? Is he on board with you on all this “crazy talk”?
Honestly, your ranting is refreshing. I think sometimes over here we think you people like the controls and the limits. We see the kind of subjugation of rights only in the big cities in the metro areas. Most of us on here, it appears, loath even thinking of those areas.
Good luck. Rant on. You make us feel great. But, it is a bit frustrating. I wish we could help.
Hiya Netranger. Husband left when the little one was 3 so he is about as un-onboard as it is possible to be lol. Just me and my baba(5 year old ) now, others grown and flown.
I had the mis-fortune to meet a politician not so long back….dear God he had the appeal of a limp lettuce and was and is as much use as a chocolate teapot. He was doing the walk about shake hands thing, I asked him
“how do you justify your salary.”
He ignored me
“excuse me, I am speaking to you” I said
He ignored me
“if my child was as rude as you I would slap her” I said
“you can’t slap her it’s illegal” he said
“oh really.” I said,” well what you and your mates in the banking industry are doing is positively criminal but I don’t see any of you getting arrested for it”
Two police officers thought this was quite funny but the politician, from the look on his face was a bit pissed about it….ah well good that he gets how pissed off feels, it’s a way of life or most of us. Take care x
I know exactly what you mean, I wish I could fill the car up with $5 per gallon gas but have £7 per gallon ($10.91 today). I’m fortunate that my dad’s house was a self build before he bought it and has a chimney. It will sure help when SHTF, but where to get fire wood; not like theres many trees around these parts or anywhere to store the wood either.
Yeah a Brit…I am not alone lol
Get into the parks and chop the trees if you have o. The Met will be to busy with looters to worry about you nicking a few trees. Tell them you work for the university of east Anglia and you are redistributing carbon neutral biomass, that should work. On a serious note down towards Lavant, firewood for sale signs at almost every farm drive, my relatives near Portsmouth are all wood and get it from that area by the trailer load.
Can your dad build me a chimney?
The inflation number (CPI) is not a good number any longer – the government now excludes food products and energy costs and that is why it’s so low. The real inflation number is around 12% per year and soon to grow very fast as the velocity of the money supply increases (and it will soon start to increase).
What does every one consume/purchase every day? Not a car, house, furniture, lawnmower, etc. but food and energy and those items are being excluded by the idiots running our country. But don’t you feel so good when they tell you inflation is only 1.2%?
ah yes, that darn old cpi…made my masters degree school teacher socialist sister in law really angry when i explained to her that food and energy costs were NOT figured into the rate of inflation. thought she was gonna have a heart attack finding out that she was wrong on something and that it could be proven to her. she is the typical sheeple-spending every dime she has, using every credit card she has, taking every pill known to man for her hypochondriac maladies. thank goodness that her brother, the man i married is nothing like her in his beliefs and attitude. i think that if i was married to a sheeple i would just shoot myself.
Sounds like your husbands sister may be from the mailmain.
Gotta support your local growers. Met the most wonderful farmer this summer at the farmers market. He lives in the area and now we get free range eggs $2.00 dozen; romaine lettuce – a huge, huge head for $2.00; and hydroponically grown tomatoes – $7.50 half bushel. He grows most everything in his greenhouse during the winter and delivers. We are in “hog” heaven…oh, yeah, his neighbor farmer sells hogs and sides of free range beef…I give thanks every day…(huge grin).
Talk about food inflation, just keep buying what you’re buying, at the prices you’re paying, and you’ll go broke about 30% faster.
Well, Bull, my multiple sclerosis outranks your 30% faster …. today got 10 pounds of purple and red potatoes, 2 dozen fresh eggs, 5 huge tomatoes not grown or harvested by illegal aliens, 5 heads of romaine lettuce so big you can’t fit it into a gallon Ziplock for $11.00 today…well worth the cost and not one penny went to a GMO, cut-their-beaks-off, government-subsidized Frankenfood grower.
Yep I get some – even most – foods are up. What do you expect from 7 billion people? Why do you think Soro’s and the Chicoms are buying up acreages in Africa that is fertile and ready for crop development? However lets note some other key points…
I posted yesterday on another topic that a brand new Colt AR-15 M4 Category CA legal is on sale here in Cali for $1099 plus taxes and fees. When the state first banned them in 1996 and they found away around the ban and brought out a new one in 1998 I bought one for $999 plus fee’s. A $100 – 10% – Increase over 13 years – not bad. Plus I just bought 4,200 rounds of 22LR from Cabelas for $140, no shipping, no taxes and they give me two decent to handle Chinese made ammo plastic cans that hold 3x as much ammo. When I first bought a case of 22LR (5000 rounds) back in 1999 it was $129. Plus I paid sales tax on it then cause I bought local (stupid me).
So while our food is up this Thanksgiving; lets be thankful some things aren’t 🙂
Hey Jim, Just picked up a Smith and Wesson M&P 15 .22lr NY compliant, MSRP is $499 I got it for $420 and a box of 100 rounds. So there are some deals out there, Thanks for the lead on Ammo. Peace Clay
Can never have enough 22’s. I bought a CMMG 22 upper for one of the AR lowers cause I know I’ll need to teach some people how to use the AR. That is why I load up on the 22LR so they can get in plenty of practice.
Guns have improved and either stayed the same or gone up only marginally in price. I know things like Colt Pythons have skyrocketed but that is “collector” value not essential. I bought a S&W Model 27 for my first duty weapon (tells you how freekin old I am) and it was $599 back in ’84. A 627 today is I think about $799.
Speaking of Colt Pythons. Check out these prices. Never snapped one that didn’t have a butter trigger.
Feed the bird and have your bird shot ready. Keep animal traps. Feed the squirrels and keep them around. Last resort…eat the boomers. ha
The geese & turkeys won’t eat out of my bird feeder on my porch but I get your drift.
Wait until the 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave to me! You sit there and not say a word. I will not, I work for the civilian sector and you work for the tax payer Mr. Congressman!
At least the global food crisis will fix the global obesity crisis…
Now – can anyone tell me why the US government squirelled away MASSIVE grain reserves a few years ago at night ?
Oh, they saw this food crisis coming and probably orchestrated it via HAARP based climatic disasters.
Save the 1% and screw the rest…it’s depopulation time !
We are bartering big-time this year for Christmas presents.
I am trading jewelry-making supplies (I have lots) for knitting lessons, desserts for a contribution to a potluck and some repairs on sweaters and afghans that we already have. I am trading some home-cooked meals and homemade jelly for some carpentry work for my daughter’s room.
Lots of people don’t consider secondhand goods for gifts either. I got a book off of Craigslist that one of my kids wanted that was almost $100 off of Amazon. I always look secondhand before I look new for things like that.
There are still lots of ways to cut your expenses if people are willing to do the footwork. next year I hope to serve our own produce for our holiday meals, just like Fed Up.
Keep the faith and live lightly!
To much info.
stfu @cave man troll , some of us enjoy and look forward to @ms. daisy’s posts…
Thank you, Ninaorket. That was really nice of you!
Daisy! There you are. How are you and the family doing? Well I hope. You’re my favorite penny pinching Canadian!
I’ll say a prayer for you and yours!
NR – we are well, thank you!!! Having our turkey on the weekend. 😀
Keep singing “God save the Queen”.
Why? The Queen doesn’t give a rat’s petoot about you or me and she doesn’t believe in God. Why should I sing?
I thought Freddy Mercury was dead???
If the queen gave up one or two of her properties she could help the homeless situation in a big way. Will she? Of course not, she cares not a fiddlers fart about the common people, mind you you can’t expect a family that changed it’s name from Gothe-Saxe-Coburgh (German) to Windsor to appear more British to care about anything that deals in common decency can you?
You’re killing us Dudley Do Right! Now that is funny.
Just a prelude for sleeping people. We better wake from the night-mare.
I know it’s hard to believe but you have to: “WE ARE FREE!!!” (Take off the blinders) Isn’t that why we’re here?
Wake—-Up! It’s time to throw off the chains…
FIGHT THE CAUSE – NOT THE SYMPTOM
Free people shouldn’t act or live like slaves…
It really chaps me when people, like you Mac, reference Thanksgiving Day as Turkey day. It denegrates the holiday, designated as a federal holiday named Thanksgiving day, a day for the nation to give thanks for our many blessings from God. Enough, to the woodshed with you!!!!!!!!!! There will be no supper for you on Thursday.
SB, don’t be a “soup nazi”. LOL
“blessing from gawd!” lmao ;0P ohhhh please all organized religion ever was and is , is a way and means for a select few selfish greedy wanna be elitists to control the ignorant massess of the many! it’s really that simple… there is a reason there is a seperation of church and state! the church always throughout history for reasons of greed and lust… attempts to manipulate and upsurp the control of the reigning states!
turkey day! is just fine!
It became a Federal Holiday and was established on a Thursday to promote Christmas shopping because of the Great Depression.
99% of what goes on can be somehow traced to an economic motive customs included.
And Silver Bean..just to let you know..if you care..Walgreens is being boycotted–
WG put out a 24 page circular and NEVER said Christmas ONCE!!
happy holiday, holiday paper, holiday gifts, ‘lighted’ trees, holiday cards, holiday candy..
I will NOT shop there but will call and ask if there business has tapered off??
Send this by email please…the circular was available online..not sure now.
I get ya JJ “Happy Chrismahanakwanzaka” It’s been Christmas in this country since the conception of the USA, but apparently Jesus Birthday is politically incorrect, it is a shame.
Russian news anchor shows Obama the middle finger
As a foreigner I wish you all ‘amurikans’ “Happy Turkey Day” ! Oh, and where the @#$$#@ is Mushroom ?
lol, i think mushroom had to go change his ten dollar bills for fives…inflation you know!
Mac and I recently had a discussion about the economy, global currency woes, etc.
Although we don’t 100% agree on everything, who does? Mac and I both know is RIGHT and agree that we are off track in this country and have been for decades. I don’t blame Obama, however bad of a President he is. The corruption, greed and self interest of the sociopaths that gravitate to the top, has been pervasive for a very long time. Not sure what the answer is and you-all know what my general attitude is. Take care of your selves and loved ones, be as self sufficient as you can. IF you don’t have knowledge that some of us were raised with, ask to be shown, ask to be “in the field” educated. Do some reading on the subjects that matter. Skills that were everyday skills 40 years ago are the skills that you will need in the coming times. Even if the coming times are NOT so bad, the skills still need to be learned and our younger ones, children, need to be shown these skills as they may need them. I hope that SHTF does not happen, but…if it does, our family will be prepared. If it doesn’t happen before I leave this life, I’m going to make sure my children and others have the resources they may need to survive.
I’m thankful, this Thanksgiving, for all the blessings we have. The good Lord, Creator, our Father, God (triune)
says, I’ll help those that help themselves. Also, those that will not work, should be to ashamed to eat. Also says, I take care of the sparrow, why then would I not take care of you?
I believe in all the above. I have hope. We can make this better. We can be thankful. We must continue to talk as free people…gather and discuss, our forefathers did, they risked all and we may have to do the same.
We will see changes, let us be able to respond in the appropriate manner. This country needs people that can pick up the pieces or stand up for what is right. On a fundamental level, WE ALL KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT….God has given us INALIENABLE RIGHTS, not a government, not an ideal, not a religion, our Creator did. The very act of creation, on many levels is a direct expression of LOVE.
I forget that sometimes…
And if the price of Turkey gets to high, I will raise some, I have before…
On another note, we only have 9 laying hens in out suburban back yard, my daughters “girls” as we call them.
At present we are averaging 7-8 eggs per day, more than we can eat…we are pickling them.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
The only tool you need for multipurpose distillation!
water, antiseptic, fuel grade ethanol, fired by wood, charcoal, propane, lng….any means…built sturdy and designed for emergency, the only one you will see that is of a fuel grade level and 100% made of copper…
Inflation on goods and services that are needed is about 20% higher, and going up next year. Deflation is going to bankrupt the companies that provide goods, not needed to survive, and property that is not farm oriented or on or near water.
Oh, ya! Let us not forget the “sales taxes” on the good and services we buy…an extra 9% where I live.
Happy Holidays to you all and keep on prepping.
Wendys’ quarter pound double stack was 99 cents earlier this year now it’s $1.42. Bakers Square pies were $8.00 2 years ago, now over $11.00. Northeast Illinois.
But,Old Fuzzy…you can still get a meal for $3 at Wendy’s…junior burger w. EVERYTHING on it, fries(or chili), and drink w. refills.
ninaorket, please come up from basement and help your Mother with Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.
only if mummy promises to tuck me in and give me her extra special kissess and hugs! look mummy i’v got mistle-toe ;0) tee hee ;0P slurp…
some good news for turkey day
http:// <— put that at the begining.
Shot my turkey, reload @.43$, free deer for cost of gas barter ammo $40.00, garden vegetables sweat equity, free food
More evidence there is no inflation what so ever 🙂
The Big 5 Ad for Black Friday
Mossberg 12 Gauge Combo 18.5/28 inch barrel $259
Remington 870 Def 8 shot $319
Mossberg 590 Def 9 shot 20″ $369
Those prices were the same as 10 years ago I’m telling you and all three are in the damn safe to prove it !!!
That Mossberg 590 is an animal. In it’s sweet spot of 10-40 yards look out. In it’s very sweet spot of 15-30 yards it beats a sub machine gun. With 3″ mag #4 Buck at 54 pellets per shell it’s like a damn claymore.
No one in their right mind without complete body armor would go up against that. Even if one person did the associates to their left and right would distance themselves.
copy from another website…
November 23rd, 2011 at 12:53 am · Reply
This may seem cliche’, but I wanted to share this personal story with you guys. A “friend of the family”, who is a retired “fed” consultant and has intimate knowledge of global financial systems has been harping on us for the last few years to invest in gold and precious metals, but said something shocking in a conversation yesterday. He is no longer investing in any precious metals and has advised us to invest as heavily as we can in personal commodities, ie: food, firearms, non-gmo seeds, manual implement tools, hand tools, etc…. This type of advice is so out-of-character from this guy, and he was so very serious that it really made me listen. He was also very reserved in the sentiment that this may be the last Thanksgiving that our extended-family can spend together for some time. Like I said, this gentleman has been giving our family very sound financial advice for over 30 years, and this is the first time we have seen this type of reaction to current events. Likewise, he thinks we’ll skate through this holiday season but feels things will drastically start to unravel after the first of the year. Again, I’m not trying to reign down with doom and gloom, but I was so taken back with the seriousness and scale of this conversation that I felt I had to share it with Micheal and his readers. May God bless you and all your families this holiday season.
From NASA’s Poultry In Space Program comes this tale of…
‘Exploding Turkeys And Other Fond Childhood Memories’
My cousin Normal was anything but. Two competing theories ran in the family concerning his name. One was that he was named after the Illinois city of his birth. And that may be true, considering his older sister was named Bloomington. Her parents, my uncle Carl and aunt Edna, called her Bloom (as in a beautiful flower). Normal and I called her Bloomers (as in underwear). The other theory of Normals unusual name was that his parents, somehow seeing the future, had prayed, crossed their fingers and given him the name in hopes that he’d grow up to be a normal boy. He didn’t.
Normal was a smart kid and he liked to use the biggest words in his vocabulary whenever possible. Even if he sometimes used them wrong. Since he was 2 months older than me, we both assumed he was wiser and therefore, in our exploits, he was usually management and I was labor.
His goal in life was to be a rocket scientist, or as he put it, ‘an aerospace engineer.’ He spent countless hours making home-made rockets, all of dubious flight potential.
My dream was to be the world’s best pool player, just like Paul Newman in the movie ‘The Hustler.’ I practiced with black walnut cue balls and a willow branch for a stick. And wondering ‘would the fat man chalk his cue once, or twice, for this bank shot?’ Fast Eddie was my hero, but I admired Minnesota Fats for his technique. I guess I wanted to look like Newman but play like Jackie Gleason.
Thanksgiving day was a typical cloudy, cold day. It was 1964 and we were both 10 yrs old. The adults all talked about the recent election, and four more years of El BeeJay (whoever that was). We weren’t interested in politics back then. Normal and I had spent the morning trying to build a bear trap. We had an old pair of clamp-on roller skates and a ragged umbrella, and the plan was to catch a bear, train him to skate while holding the umbrella, and sell him to the circus. Our efforts had yeilded only 2 surly raccoons, neither of which showed any skill at rollerskating, so we set them free.
We were walking on the railroad tracks, near the river bridge, the underside of which served as our hide-out and a place to store our treasures. Then we found it- a real treasure (at least in our estimation). A soggy cardboard box labeled “Benzene.” All but one of the small bottles was cracked and empty.
Judging by the red ‘Flammable’ warning labels, Normal decided it would make excellent rocket fuel. On the way back home, we debated how to keep it from running out the bottom of the rocket. Since we needed a thick, jelly-like consistency, we decided to mix it with jelly. That seemed very logical and I was proud of Normal for suggesting it. He always was a thinker.
Back at his house, I hid behind the garage, guarding the benzene and keeping an eye out for Russian spies trying to steal the latest of our space technology. Normal sneaked into the house and came back with a half-full jar of apricot jelly.
We’d just finished stirring in the benzene, or as Normal called it ‘the stage one propellant’ when his sister Bloomer came around the corner.
“What are you little creeps up to?” she demanded.
“Nothing” we said in unison, trying to look a lot more innocent than we felt. She spied the jelly jar and grabbed it.
“Mom’s gonna cook something with this. You can’t eat it, you little rats.” She stomped back into the house.
“That stuff might be poisonous. What’ll we do?” I asked nervously. At times like this, I was glad to be only labor and not in management.
Normal frowned, then said “We’ll remain on high alert, and formulate contigency plans as things develop.”
“Huh?” I said dumbly.
“I mean”, he said “we’ll just play it by ear and see what happens.”
A few hours later we were called to wash up for dinner. As we went through the kitchen I heard aunt Edna tell Carl “Just brush the apricot glaze over the whole turkey. If there’s any glaze left, pour it inside with the stuffing. That’ll give it a nice flavor.”
“What’s in this stuff?” Carl asked, “it smells funny.”
“Oh, I added a few spoonfuls of Dad’s rum to the jelly. It browns nicely that way, and you know how much Dad likes his rum.” she said.
Carl said “Remind me to buy the old guy a bottle of good stuff for Christmas.”
“Now turn the oven up high and pop it back in to brown,” she said, “And hurry, we’re almost ready to serve dinner.”
Carl did as he was told.
Moments later, the dozen or so guests were crowded around the big dining table at the far end of the kitchen. Pies and other desserts lined the counter, and dishes of food covered the table and stove top. Aunt Edna, who loved to impress her guests whenever she entertained, was beaming as she said “And now for the piece de resistance. The glazed tur-”
Before she could say “key” the room came to life with a ROAR! The oven door blasted open, breaking the hinge on one side. A sound like a sonic BOOM rattled the windows as shredded turkey came blasting out as if shot from a cannon! The turkey pan, now mostly empty, flew from the oven, ricocheted off the counter edge, neatly flipping a pie like a tiddly wink. The pan bounced up, hit the cieling, banked off the back wall and landed, WHOOMP!, in the floor, right on top of the overturned pie, sending a mushy stream of pumpkin filling oozing out from the edges.
One of the women screamed. Uncle Carl swallowed his cigar and began to gag. Silverware clattered as people dove under the table as if it were a foxhole!
In that moment, it seemed like time was somehow bent, as if everything went into slow motion. I remember watching the pan hit the cieling and wondering ‘would the fat man chalk once, or twice, for a triple bank shot like that.’ When Edna turned to screech at Normal and me, it was like watching a slow video today, and I wondered ‘did she ever work in Hollywood? She sounds just like that lady in the black hat in Wizard of Oz.’
Normal brought me back to the present, and the danger of our situation, when he turned his eyes to me and whispered “Evacuate premesis with maximum velocity.”
“Huh?” I said dumbly.
“Run like hell!” he shouted as he bolted through the back screen door. He didn’t even open it. He just ran THROUGH it!
I was hot on his heels as I leaped through the ‘Normal-shaped’ hole he’d made. (it was a perfect fit)
Behind us, our lemonade glasses hung, suspended in mid-air where we’d left them. Bits of turkey confetti continued to flutter down. And the sounds of a posse forming.
We slowed to a trot when we passed the city limits sign. The mob of angry adults now a distant blur behind us. Four miles later we doubled back and hid under the river bridge.
A few hours later we were still there, contemplating our future. To me, it didn’t look like it would be a very long future. “What are we gonna do?” I asked.
“I guess we could head west on foot,” Normal said, digging the umbrella and skates from our treasure stash, “when we get to the rockies we can catch a bear and train him. By the time we get to California we can join the circus.”
“I don’t want to train bears anymore” I said glumly.
“Well,” he said, “we can jump aboard the next southbound train. When we get to New Orleans, we’ll stow away on a tramp steamer to South America.”
“Then what? I asked.
“Then we get jobs as cowboys on a Brazilian cattle ranch.”
“OK,” I said, becoming a little more cheerful. “But I have one question. Do the Brazillians know how to play pool?”
Pass the nitro gravy! Excellent story, maybe write stories to augment the income. Reminds me of Patrick F. McManus from field and stream! Keep it up and thanks for the laughs. Happy thanksgiving and blessing to all except atheists who are offended by good wishes and such.
The Real Story of Thanksgiving
November 24th, 2011
(ManatakaAmericanIndianCouncil) – Most of us associate the holiday with happy Pilgrims and Indians sitting down to a big feast. And that did happen – once.
The story began in 1614 when a band of English explorers sailed home to England with a ship full of Patuxet Indians bound for slavery. They left behind smallpox which virtually wiped out those who had escaped. By the time the Pilgrims arrived in Massachusetts Bay they found only one living Patuxet Indian, a man named Squanto who had survived slavery in England and knew their language. He taught them to grow corn and to fish, and negotiated a peace treaty between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Nation. At the end of their first year, the Pilgrims held a great feast honoring Squanto and the Wampanoags.
But as word spread in England about the paradise to be found in the new world, religious zealots called Puritans began arriving by the boat load. Finding no fences around the land, they considered it to be in the public domain. Joined by other British settlers, they seized land, capturing strong young Natives for slaves and killing the rest. But the Pequot Nation had not agreed to the peace treaty Squanto had negotiated and they fought back. The Pequot War was one of the bloodiest Indian wars ever fought.
In 1637 near present day Groton, Connecticut, over 700 men, women and children of the Pequot Tribe had gathered for their annual Green Corn Festival which is our Thanksgiving celebration. In the predawn hours the sleeping Indians were surrounded by English and Dutch mercenaries who ordered them to come outside. Those who came out were shot or clubbed to death while the terrified women and children who huddled inside the longhouse were burned alive. The next day the governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony declared “A Day Of Thanksgiving” because 700 unarmed men, women and children had been murdered.
Cheered by their “victory”, the brave colonists and their Indian allies attacked village after village. Women and children over 14 were sold into slavery while the rest were murdered. Boats loaded with a many as 500 slaves regularly left the ports of New England. Bounties were paid for Indian scalps to encourage as many deaths as possible.
Following an especially successful raid against the Pequot in what is now Stamford, Connecticut, the churches announced a second day of “thanksgiving” to celebrate victory over the heathen savages. During the feasting, the hacked off heads of Natives were kicked through the streets like soccer balls. Even the friendly Wampanoag did not escape the madness. Their chief was beheaded, and his head impaled on a pole in Plymouth, Massachusetts — where it remained on display for 24 years.
The killings became more and more frenzied, with days of thanksgiving feasts being held after each successful massacre. George Washington finally suggested that only one day of Thanksgiving per year be set aside instead of celebrating each and every massacre. Later Abraham Lincoln decreed Thanksgiving Day to be a legal national holiday during the Civil War — on the same day he ordered troops to march against the starving Sioux in Minnesota.
This story doesn’t have quite the same fuzzy feelings associated with it as the one where the Indians and Pilgrims are all sitting down together at the big feast. But we need to learn our true history so it won’t ever be repeated. Next Thanksgiving, when you gather with your loved ones to Thank God for all your blessings, think about those people who only wanted to live their lives and raise their families. They, also took time out to say “thank you” to Creator for all their blessings.
Source: Manataka American Indian Council