Disclaimer: Some Friday Entertainment. It’s News, with a satirical twist.
With Al Gore’s invention of the internet came an insatiable demand for more speed and more mobility. So popular was the invention, that in just over three decades more than a billion people across the globe access the internet every day, and it’s only going to keep growing.
In recent weeks, President Obama has vowed to distribute free internet to the masses.
The most cost effective way to do this is likely to be the integration of WiFi wireless routers across the nation. The following piece from Looming Doom suggests that, while free internet access to Youtube video spoofs, SHTF daily news and satirical political musings are critical pillars of our society, implementation of such access points, which have been shown to produce radiation discharge, may cause the very demise of civilization itself.
We had hoped that the radiation fallout from mass concentrations of WiFi networks would take several decades to spread with the idea being that we’d enjoy the benefits today and just pass the diseases on to later generations, but according to LD, some experts believe that Humans Will Be Extinct by August:
It’s time to finalize any of life’s ‘loose ends’ say experts who are sounding the alarm that the growing usage of wireless technologies will lead to the extinction of Humanity before the end of August. “When you consider that the technology being deployed for our wireless utilities is closely related to a microwave oven, the sudden hue and cry is actually quite understated†said one. Recent reports of sudden, inexplicable occurrences are likely the ‘canary in the coal mine’, warning that a significant problem with electromagnetic radiation is rapidly unfolding.
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The video is fake.
http://www.snopes.com/science/cookegg.asp
We can’t trust anyone these days…
Comments…..
And this too from the same site….
In a surprise move, God has declared an intention to pursue Free Agency in front of the upcoming Holy Season. In a prepared statement, mega-agent Phillip Laskoff stated “We have been retained to explore all available options relating to God’s Free Agency. Clearly, God brings a tremendous suite of abilities and adds incalculable value to any organization. Our challenge is to ascertain what constitutes an appropriate structure in today’s market for what we consider to be the only all-omniscient, all powerful deity in the game.â€
Laskoff is universally credited with garnering the groundbreaking deal struck between Jenny Craig and The Buddha last quarter. The terms for God are expected to be significantly broader.
Insiders say God has been increasingly dissatisfied with the state of the game and is looking to cement a long-term relationship with an organization committed to winning. “It’s understandable†said one. “This has been building for some time. And while God is infinitely patient, apparently even infinity has its limits and God is now there.†Management teams from around the globe are scrambling to finalize their proposals to be presented to Laskoff by, ironically, Thursday, April 1st.
*
Comments…..Wow, talk about out to lunch.
Sorry….was out to lunch. What’s going on?
T h e v i d e o i s f a k e ?
O M G !
This is soooo embarrassing…..
Well I guess we’re not gonna be extinct by August.
Make it October…..
We’re not in to timing extinction events, but the long term trend is still intact.
On a long enough time line, everyone’s survival rate goes to zero…. – zero hedge
Comments…..
…according to LD, some experts believe that Humans Will Be Extinct by August:
Hey Mark, you put some good stuff up on your site but you sure lost me on this one. Hmmm, maybe you’re just having some fun?
yeah, it’s news, with a Tom of the North satirical twist … It’s friday so I did want to have a little fun…In the past Tom and I have discussed the bee colony depopulation and the many possibilities for why it is occuring. This particular article deals with Wifi and radiation — which in my opinion is a looming threat… it reminds me of the “Black Shakes” from that Keanu Reeves movie Johnny Phenmonic…
I put up a disclaimer at the top just to make sure people know it’s entertainment oriented – but all humor aside, the French Ministry just mandated remove of WiFi (Max I think it was called) because of the radiation threat it poses.
I was just outside on my cell phone and now there are NO BEES!
I think I killed them…..
sorry….
By August, some people may begin to believe its true. Events will begin to unfold quickly now. Some of you out there may as well bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.
I got mine. Get yours.
Funny? not so much.
Bittersweet truth is that Bee Colony Collapse and White Nose Syndrome(decimating the bat population) is quickly making good ole’ Mother Earth inhospitable to Homo Sapiens Sapiens.
So does this mean we are going to spontaneously exploded, like putting a frog in the microwave? Gross!
one out of one dies, as has been for thousands of years if not infinitesimaly..
nothing new under the sun, only incalculable risks by those that perceive they are not of that subset……
Hopefully Al Gore, Tipper Gore, and their degenerate offspring will be extinct by August. Â