This article was originally published by Michael Snyder at End of the American Dream
“Florida Man” just keeps getting into more trouble. In recent years, “Florida Man” has become one of the Internet’s hottest memes, and there is never a shortage of new material because residents of the state seem to have a knack for getting arrested for some of the most bizarre crimes imaginable. So earlier today when I saw a headline that said “Florida man strips naked and poops in Naples family’s yard”, I knew that I had to do this article. Normally my articles deal with very heavy topics, and even though this article will be much more light-hearted, I am still making a serious point. Without a doubt, the “Florida Man” headlines below are very funny, but the fact that there are so many of them should disturb all of us. The fabric of our society is literally coming apart right in front of our eyes, and if we continue down this path it is hard to imagine any sort of a positive future for our nation. So please keep that in mind even as you are laughing at these headlines.
If you are not familiar with the “Florida Man” meme, let me give you a few pointers before we get started.
First of all, Florida Man gets arrested a lot. He is always in trouble with the police, and he often leads them on really wild chases.
Florida Man has also usually either been drinking or consuming mind-altering drugs. This often leads to extremely risky behavior, and there are often very funny unintended consequences.
In addition, Florida Man doesn’t really like clothes. In many cases he is either partially or completely naked.
Finally, Florida Man stories get a bonus if they involve animals, injuries, weapons or bodily functions.
With all that being said, here are 30 extremely bizarre Florida Man stories that prove that America is in far more trouble than we thought…
#1 Florida man steals $33,000 in rare coins, uses them in change machines
#2 Florida Man Arrested for Allegedly Throwing Live Alligator Into Wendy’s Drive-Thru Window
#3 Florida man, drunk and naked, allegedly set house on fire in failed cookie baking attempt
#4 Florida man finds World War II grenade, tosses it in the trunk, brings it to a Taco Bell
#6 Drunk Florida man arrested at Olive Garden after eating handfuls of pasta
#7 Florida man arrested for shoplifting after job interview at Kohl’s
#8 Monkey in diaper found clinging to Florida man in stolen car, police say
#9 Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire
#10 Puppy shoots Florida man, deputies say
#11 Florida man caught on video licking doorbell
#12 Florida man arrested for speeding told deputies, ‘the car is a Ferrari and it goes fast’
#13 Florida man gets out of jail, back in 15 minutes later
#14 Florida Man Threatens To Destroy Everyone With Army Of Turtles, Police Say
#15 Florida man arrested in golf cart with 5 bottles of Fireball
#16 This Florida man stole laxatives — because he thought they were opioids, police say
#17 Florida man spent weeks in jail for heroin that was actually detergent
#18 Police: Florida man angry over cost of cigarettes hits clerk with beer bottle
#19 A Florida Man let it all hang out at a strip club, dancer says. He wasn’t part of the act
#20 Florida man wanted a woman’s egg rolls so badly it landed him in jail, police say
#21 Thong-wearing Florida man arrested while building shed with garbage on stranger’s property
#22 Florida man caught abusing young alligator, putting cigarette in its mouth
#24 Florida man finds iguana in toilet, calls 911
#25 Florida man tried to bring replica grenade launcher on plane, TSA says
#26 Florida man uses fake ID, steals $41K in dental implants, $10K for French bulldog
#27 Florida man denies syringes found in rectum are his
#28 Florida man threatens to kill man ‘with kindness,’ uses machete named ‘Kindness’
#29 Naked Florida man revealed on video sneaking into restaurant and munching on ramen
#30 Florida man escapes alligator by punching it in the face while searching for golf balls
Needless to say, sometimes things don’t end well for Florida Man.
For example, one Florida Man was just killed by a rare bird when he fell down in the backyard of his own home. The following comes from a CNN article entitled “A cassowary, a rare emu-like bird, attacks and kills Florida man, officials say”…
A cassowary, a giant bird with long claws on each foot, killed its owner after he fell in the backyard of his Gainesville, Florida, home, officials told CNN.
The bird’s owner, Marvin Hajos — who is 75, according to CNN affiliate WCJB — made the initial call to 911 Friday about 10 a.m. ET. A second call came from another person at the scene who reported a medical emergency involving a large bird, said Lt. Joshua Crews of the Alachua County Sheriff’s Office.
I hope that you enjoyed this light-hearted article, and I promise that I will get back to writing about heavy stuff tomorrow. And even though I had a lot of fun putting this article together, it still underscores a very serious point that I am constantly making.
America is in very serious trouble, and if we do not change our ways we do not have a positive future ahead of us.
I recently published my 1,500th article on End Of The American Dream, and if you enjoy the articles I hope that you will support my work. Will live in very dark times, and we need more people that are willing to stand up and be a light.
Because it is when times are the darkest that the light is needed the most, and as you can see from this article, America is in desperate need of a new direction.
K2 and TSB, you guys need to keep yer kids under control! 😛
I think I’ll name my machete, “Kindness”…
Sweet, I think I will name my chainsaw “cupcake” 😛
If I caught ‘Florida man’ taking a crap in my front yard, he’d quickly become ‘King Tut Duh Half Nut’ cause the cross hairs of that scope would’ve disconnected both them ‘boys’.
reper sleepr
You’ll become a felon and go to prison for a few years.
The majority of Floridians are implants and not even from Florida. A lot of the these nuts in the country head for the warm weather states. Lots of Foreigners head to Miami Florida First stop. Hi Heat Temperatures can do a lot of strange things to the fragile mind. And there is little law enforcement to control the masses, other than collection of traffic tickets and red light cameras. The County Governments are corrupt as heck. Expose their crimes against the masses and the ripoff of taxes and fees.
This site is in trouble if it needs to post crap like this
no it’s not….some of U.S. LOOOVE mike snyder and his articles!
Yup, specially wheen its ubout flouridah lol. (maybe something in the water?)
That’s fairly heavy stuff. Truth is people wanted by the law have been coming to Florida for decades. In the winter they pour down to escape the cold. Most of the people that are arrested here for crimes come from out of state. Many of these invasive interlopers run the government and as usual government sucks here as elsewhere. I mean Jeb Bush and Rick Scott, that’s scraping the bottom of the barrel of criminality.
Yeah right!
I have come to the conclusion dealing with the indigenous population that it’s not like the NE. The overall work ethic is lacking. People up north lived to work, here in the sunshine state it’s more common to work to live. Labor is paid little and surprisingly they are often worth even less. Contractors? Shake hands with them and you have to count your fingers. They actually have a law that you can pay the contractor that you hired, have a receipt and canceled check as proof and still be liable because the contractor did not pay their supplier. You end up with a lien on your home. You have to obtain a copy of a waver of liability from the supplier. You don’t pay the SOB unless you have that in your hand. It is truly the land of scams. Too many people that cannot afford to live here. During the foreclosure times people broke into the homes, mildly fixed them up and rented them out like they were the owner. I kid you not, stone balls. The public utility including the water department did not check anything about legal ownership. Some of there rented for a few years.
It’s not the USA its FLA.
K2 That same shit was happening all over in 08-10 lol.
That’s so true. Even I got lazy once I moved down here. I used to work full-time up north–now that I’m down in Florida and I can make do with a part-time job, that’s all I’m interested in doing 🙂
The cost of living in Florida was affordable before the Republicans took over. Their mantra, anything goes and no amount is enough. They’ve dragged the Democrats in tow to become the pretend opponent.
With the housing crash homes were a bargain and sill a 1400 sq/ft masonry home can be had for 150K with $1800 yr property taxes and due to the hurricane potential $1800 homeowners insurance that includes flood. Eight or so years ago that home was $85K. Relative to where the settlers come from Florida is pretty affordable.
1800 taxes? Damn man we have a similar size house and it is less than half that and I beech about it lol. The cabin on 2.5 acres is 500 lol. But I guess you pay for the privilage of having neighbors right up yer ass lol.
K2,
Wow!
With insurance and property taxes like that, you should reconsider that statement.
I’m glad I didn’t accept that job launching Deltas and went to Hawaii instead.
rellik & Genius
It’s relative. I originally come from NJ, everywhere except NYC was better. $3600 / yr combined is a dream and is just a tad more than Delaware. I’m in no shape to maintain a large property so rural is out of the question it’s “the burbs” for us. Housing also is better than Delaware with more formidable homes of masonry construction. Gun laws aren’t bad, carry permits available, class 3 ok if you care to $$$ for full auto, silencers are not that uncommon. The problem is too many people live here that can’t afford to live here. You bring money here as the labor market is flooded. It is scam land. Had a tire replaced. I wanted the old one as it only had one small nail in it within 1″ from the sidewall on the tread. They would not plug it so I wanted to do it myself. The tire they took off had 19K on it, always rotated. The tire they retired to me nicely bagged up had a spike nail in it not a small finish nail, almost no tread and was on a vehicle that badly needed a front end alignment. They stole my tire. Did not find out till I got home, complained, created a scene just shy of the cops being called. That tire was going to be sold by one of the low life help. Welcome to Florida.
Returned not retired
Damn man! Move west! Way west! Like AZ or UT or maybe ID. Just get out before the crash! AZ has constitutional carry and ID too. Like the B52’s said: GET OUT OF THAT STATE YOUR IN! lol. NV has no income tax too. Pick one and get scootin’ while the scootins’ good!
The residents where I live are great almost all are pensioners that are salt of the earth with sufficient funds for a comfortable life. Lots of disciplined Germans too actually almost 20%. It’s the native workers (not the lawn labor Mexicans as they’re good) and businesses you need to watch. Usually I hate to say it but it’s the “Americans” as the Cuban refugees are hard working too. Actually I’m in the second lowest crime city in Fla. It’s not crime but scam’s, dealing with businesses. Contractors push for 1/2 pre pay up front…GTFOOH on a $2500 job. One builds up a little black book of numbers of the picking a needle out of a haystack honest one.
If you move to NV DO NOT move to Clark county! Taxes are insane and naggers are everywhere (vegas). Some cool NV places are Pioche, Reno area (outside that county) Caliente. UT places that are ok (lots of polygamists everywhere lol) Hatch, Parawon. Uinta, Tremonton, Moab. ID you might look at Twin Falls, Soda Springs, Driggs, Lewiston (not a lot of sun). AZ maybe Bullhead City, Kingman, Flagstaff. Or if your a real adventurous off gridder there are a ton of possibilities! Or just stay where yer at.
DISCLAIMER: CALIFORNIANS STAY WHERE YOU ARE! MOVING OUT OF YOUR SHITHOLE CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH! WE HATE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!
fuggen genius….love your posts, my man!
TY! 😀
Don’t move to Twin, ID
Stay in Jerome, ID.
Bullhead city is a parking lot for RV’s for old Fart owners. They then walk across the bridge to Gamble and do Breakfast in Laughlin NV.
I was born and raised in CA.
I’m about as anti Democrat
and anti Socialist as you can get.
I scare Hawaiians. I even got banned
from their premier Gun club site( 2A) ,
for being too radical.
Banned from Free Republic since 2010.
They think they are good God fearing
Christians.
Not all Californians are pu$$ies.
Most the good ones left 40 years ago.
“The problem is too many people live here that can’t afford to live here”
BINGO!!!
Same can also be said for California.. I had rather live in an area where my paycheck stretches a little further than live in an area where I’m flat broke all the time after paying the bills.
My 1500 Sq Ft home in Tampa sold for $250, Zillow has it listed for $325 now. And that is on a 80 x 120 Sq Ft lot. My prop taxes were like $1200 a year.
Now that I moved up to the country up high and dry, and only pay about $76 an acre, per year in Property Taxes. Cheap living. Its all paid for here, so I am not carrying HO insurance. Total waste of money. Go calculate how much home and hazard ins you paid over the last 40 years and how much did you get back in claims? Do the math, take a chance. Its all a housing scam, to over price homes to jack up the property taxes. If you are homestead in FL, your property taxes cannot rise more than 3% perm year max. to protect home owners from rising housing pricing.
That sale price of my city property was $250K and now valued at $325,000. A phony value. DO NOT OVER PAY, like my neighbors did, they bought at the peak for $300K, then the Mkt crashed, and it dropped back to about $225K they had to wait 8 years just to get back to even. Buy Low Sell Hi. Don’t be a financial DOPE.
You all pay too much for property taxes.
But everything is a compromise.
Under $50. p/ year cinder block house and 5 acres.
I have FEMA for home insurance.
Yeah, it’a a failed state.
Like a lot of them these days.
Snowbirds(retirees) as well as those seeking refuge from the cold have flooded the state often bringing with them many of the issues that cast a negative image on the state.
And for each of the crimes, the criminal receives 6 months probation and free entitlements, food, shelter, education and medical. Stupid legal American working taxpayers.
What we need is executions for felons.
Imagine a hard working honest society, it would require balls!
My retirement will be funded by changing my name to Jose Fernandez. With a little shoe polish I think I can pull it off!
bleachers…..if I’M elected king, we gonna have electric BLEACHERS!
Hells Bells this is Florida, what do you get from Commifornia.?
I would like to see the list from the land of fruits and nuts.
Sgt..
What about Florida women? Where do they figure into all the craziness?
Brian, I have a special place in my heart for those crazy Florida women….back in my single days, of course.
Good times.
i’ve done a lot of work with unwed mothers here in calipornia………
I have been saying for years that FLA is super Chuck full of absolute Trailer trash!! It is way too hot and has all kinds of shitty people that I have zero interest in being even remotely close to…This nation will FAIL, There is no doubt about it period.
Florida has Lincoln’s control-freak Yankees and globalists’ illegals. Even her in Montana we have Californians who assimilate no better and drive property prices out of reach for Montanans.
The good news is that Lincoln’s tyrannical republic is falling. For now just avoid crowds and carry everywhere. The demographics (and opportunities for liberty) will be changing soon.
Cracker Crazy: Invisible Histories of the Sunshine State (2007)
In spite of the intended, political statement, I also liked the student film project, in which the South won.
There are programs in which these tweakers can be rented from the prison for labor, or you are paid subsidies to adopt these adult, mental children, keep them under lock and key, and put them to menial labor. Entry level jobs go to halfway houses for the tax benefit, formally. You don’t have to find daylabor outside of the Home Depot.
There are poor black people, poor Hispanics, but when white people are poor the word trash must be included. Poor white trash, my ass. Poor and white doesn’t make you trash. Living in a mobile home or an RV doesn’t make you trailer trash which is just one more slight aimed at white folk.
This article is funny. It’s funny, but if you look at it seriously, it isn’t funny at all. Methamphetamine is sold primarily to young white people. With continued use, meth addicts brains are destroyed. There isn’t anything funny about it.
Crying and laughing are both an emotional release and a response to tragedy. I’ld rather laugh than cry, so as tragic as these people are, I too, LMFAO.
.
I assume that the suspect’s face would have been cleaned up, if the pic was taken for sincere, utilitarian, identification purposes, and not intended to be counting coups against the plebs.
Remember, when a praetor is making these kinds of social statements, it’s against the entire, civilian, social caste.
Well, at least I live far, far, away from Florida!
Cassowaries – Son of a F***!
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1nz72o/cassowaries_son_of_a_fck/
(Very, very true!)
that picture makes me want to vomit
that picture makes me want to vomit lol